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Entertainment actor, Akshay Kumar’s wifey chalks out a unique plan to deal with paparazzi
It has been a hectic fortnight and I have been to too many back-to-back events so by Friday night I am truly fed up of three things: Photographers, being on a diet and blow drying my hair.
I want to do something simple and when our son suggests that we go to see 22 Jump Street with the family I am more than happy.
8.15 pm: I walk out of the house having hurriedly thrown on my blue worn-out kurta, am carrying a bright yellow bag (which clashes terribly but I am too lazy too change it) and not a slick of make-up.
8.45 pm: Hmm… The kids are eating Bavarian chocolate ice cream and tired of being deprived, I have one too.
My niece is eating a chicken burger so I have one too and the man of the house orders some bhel so I have some too.
This is almost more food than I have consumed in the last two weeks but I think sometimes you have to eat till you burst the same way that you need to laugh till tears roll down your face.
10.30 pm: The movie is over and all I want to do is fall on my bed and hope I am able to digest a quarter of what I have eaten.
The man of the house walks me to the elevator and then suddenly decides that he would rather run down the five floors and takes off.
I can’t seem to see the rest of the family so I take the lift down and humming some tuneless song I walk out to the car only to almost fall down as a dozen flashbulbs go off in my face.
For anyone who has ever thought that these encounters with the paparazzi are pre-planned, kindly use some common sense. We have some sort of vanity as well and being photographed in a state that you would not want to put up on your Facebook, let alone be published in national newspapers, would be rather demented.
10.45 pm: I reach home only to find the man of the house is already home by making a quick escape on his bulldozer bodyguard’s bike leaving me to face the music. I box him on the head, sulk and go to bed.
Sunday afternoon: I had promised our son that I would take him to see Lucy and being a sci-fi fan, I am also excited to see it but I have decided that the press is not going to catch me off guard again. I blow-dry my hair, wear a cute top, and a pair of extremely uncomfortable heels. I reach the theatre with my best smile and wouldn’t you know it, there is not a camera in sight!
Getting rather fed up of not knowing when to be picture perfect ready or slouch in my track pants, I have come up with a great plan.
I print out a 12-inch picture of Mr Modi’s face, make two holes on the side, string it and voila I am now prepared to go to the cinema.
Each time I go to the movies, I will just pull out my home-made Mr Modi mask and simply put it on.
The pros: 1) I do not have to put any make-up on ever again.
2) I will prove that I am a loyal, patriotic Indian citizen.
3) I may become a nationwide trend setter.
The cons: 1) Terrorists might get confused thinking I am the real prime minister and attempt to assassinate me.
2) The government may think it is a great idea and make wearing these masks mandatory.
3) A fairness cream brand may decide to cash in on MY trend and develop an anti-ageing SPF 30 (patent pending) Mr Modi mask that makes your skin lighter with every wear and not give me a penny.
3) My family will finally decide that they have had enough of my daft plans and go to the movies without me.
By the way, if you do go to the movies this week and want to be entertained then watch Entertainment and maybe you will be further entertained by catching sight of a certain prime minister casually slipping out of the theatre in her faded blue kurta and a bright yellow bag.
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